Streams in a Wasteland

Look at me, I'm 23!

I hope the title of this post doesn't sound conceited. Honestly, I don't like when people are looking at me, I just needed something to rhyme haha. Cookie for the person who can come up with something clever that goes with '23'.

As per my usual tradition, a blog post about the adventures of turning a new number will ensue. I feel that the last several of my posts have been about remembrance and I'm about to post another one. Maybe remembrance is the theme the Lord is instilling in me for this season of my life. I guess we'll find out...

Anyways, I'm 23 now which is incredibly weird and even weirder to type. 23. If you had asked me when I was 11 what I wanted to be when I was 23, I would have told you that I would be a famous singer. I would travel the world, live in a penthouse in a bustling city, have lots of classy, sophisticated friends, go to schools in Europe and NYC, become an accomplished musician, wear beautiful, expensive clothing on my (imaginary) slender figure, not the least of which would have been evening gowns for all the cool parties and events I would attend. Somebody tall, dark, and handsome would have probably been a part of the image as well. What can I say? I was a hopeless romantic when I was younger. Don't tell anyone, but I kind of still am.

But here's the reality. I'm 23. I'm not famous, not even a little bit. I didn't even finish real college, much less attend a prestigious university in Europe or New York. The only places I've travelled worth mentioning are Israel and New York. Far from a penthouse, I live in a 4 bedroom home with 3 kids and  5 adults. Most of my friends, myself included, are or were, misfits. I can't afford to buy expensive clothing and I have no where to wear an evening gown. My figure could never be classified as slender and there's no one present in my life who remotely resembles the man of my dreams. Far from an accomplished musician, my skills are slightly more than mediocre.

I think if I had pondered all of this a year or two ago, I would have sent myself into a pit of depression lol. And looking back over what I just typed, there are a few things I read that send little pangs of longing shooting through my heart... But it's not devastating. I'm not heartbroken. I don't constantly pine for all these dreams that I had when I was younger. Sure, getting paid lots of money to do music would be awesome. But at least I have the opportunity to do music at all. God has put me in a place to use what little gifting I have, even if it's just a small part. Heck, I even have several awesome friends who I get to jam with, and I love doing that.

While I didn't go to Harvard, or Carnegie, or wherever else is cool,  I completed the Cosmetology program at MGTC. I know that's not something that a person looking on the outside would consider much, but it took a lot of determination and perseverance to finish that program. Every day was a struggle to make myself go. For 18 months. But I did it. And I'm glad. I also switched my major like a jillion times before deciding to do hair, which was totally humiliating. But you know the thing about being humiliated? It teaches you humility ;)

I've never been to Europe. I do still hope to go one day. But after going to Israel, I don't think that anything else could quite compare. Israel was the most enriching, amazing, fun, wonderful trips I've ever experienced. I loved every second of it. I can't wait to go back. I can't put into words the level of awesome that Israel is. Just go if you ever get the chance.

New York City was a great experience. While I was there I wasn't sure that I would want to go back, but now I know I would love to. The energy is amazing there and so are all the options of stuff to do and the variety of people. But you know what really impressed me? Church. I went to Hillsong Church NYC with my sister and it was one of the most powerful things I've ever experienced. No, there wasn't a rushing wind that swept the congregation. Fire didn't come down from heaven. The lead singers from Hillsong United weren't even there lol. What was incredible was the Spirit. It was so strong in that place. And I'm not talking about a feeling. I'm talking about a presence. When people will stand for an hour outside while it's cold and raining to get to church, when people are willing to stand in a packed, dark room for over 2 hours just to hear somebody bring the Word, you know there's something more going on than meets the eye. When people are less concerned with having a comfy chair, being able to see the pastor and musicians perfectly, and are more concerned with making sure they can hear what is being said, even if they can't even catch a glimpse of what's going on up front, you know the Spirit is there. When people raise almost $1 million for a new building and decide to donate it instead to families who lost homes in a flood, you know something is different. I'll never forget it as long as I live. I remember that the pastor preached on Jesus meeting people through people. To always be ready and alert for what He is going to do because He will use you to reach others. The fact that I can remember what he spoke about a year later says a lot, I think. Incredible, incredible morning. I'll never forget.

I don't live in a penthouse where I can gaze at the lights from on top of a city, but I'm surrounded with the warmth and glow of a family that loves and cares about each other.

My friends aren't famous musicians and actors and models. But they are some of the funniest, talented, and most caring people you will ever meet. Hang out with us for a couple of days and you will get a complete ab workout from laughing so hard. You'll also have a much lighter heart.

I don't have money to buy expensive clothing and even if I did, my hips weren't made for most of the cute outfits that retailers sell :(  But I have more than 90% of the world. And that should be enough to make anyone grateful.

I don't have a soul mate in my life as dashing as Richard Armitage or as funny as Andy Samberg. But I have my best friend, Katie Jackson, and that's kinda the same thing. :P

So, I guess what this all comes down to is perspective.

I could be wrong on this, but I think God likes when we dream and when we share those dreams with Him. Dreams are intimate things. And God is an intimate god, concerned with the intricacies of our hearts. But He's also completely good. Which means He cannot do things that won't ultimately lead to our good. Our calling is to look to Him. See our world and circumstances through heavenly lenses. Though our heart may not change immediately, in time "we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

My goal for this year is simple: to take delight in the Lord. To love Him more today than I did yesterday.

Peace out, 22.

What up, 23.