Streams in a Wasteland

See you at the Dome!

Then Joshua said to the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you.” Joshua 3:5 

Tomorrow I will be driving up to Atlanta Georgia to attend the Passion Conferences of 2013. I can't even describe the feeling of anticipation that I have. It's more than excitement. It's an urgent expectancy, waiting for God to show me "great and wonderful things which I do not know". I absolutely cannot wait for what the Lord is going to show me! And not just show me, but work in me. These past few months, and especially weeks, have been a sort of slow season for me. I haven't quite known what to make of it. Part of me thinks it's because I'm not trying hard enough to learn new things... but then part of me feels that this is God's hand on my life, keeping me calm and still before a flood of true heart change. I know that each day we have the opportunity to grow close to Him, everyday we need to be putting His Word into action. This is where the true fruit is produced... But it starts with a seed. A seed planted in a heart, watered and given light. And I feel that that is what Passion is going to be for me. The start of a new work. A heart work. I may not need to change my direction, I may need to. Only God knows. But I do know that He always wants to do a work in my heart. And I love that about Him. I know that He honors faithfulness and a pure heart. And I believe that most of the people in charge of Passion possess pure hearts, hearts that burn for Him. So I just know that with an event like this, that has been so prayed over, brought before the throne room constantly, I just know that He will use it. He is faithful. I'm so incredibly grateful to Him for raising up leaders who care enough to do whatever it takes to reach my generation and show them what it means to be a Christ follower. I want to have that kind of zeal for the Lord and for reaching other people. 
Whoever may be reading this, please pray for myself and all of us going to Passion 2013. Pray that God would teach us what it means to be a true Christ follower, one that never gives up, and one that will strive to be more like Him every day of our lives. 
Pray that He would fan the flame of desire for Him and desire to be more like Him, to know Him more, to be a light in the darkness, to be a city on a hill, burning brightly, not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God, unto salvation, to everyone who believes. 

See you at the Dome!!

Pray for Newtown

Normally I try to stray away from things that are trending at the moment, but I think that it would do to devote a post in honor of the people that were so closely effected by the events that transpired in Connecticut this weekend. I confess, I haven't allowed myself to really put myself in their shoes because I know if I did, I would be in hysterics. Maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing, who knows? When I first heard the news, my reaction wasn't like most of the people's that I knew. I didn't cry. It didn't really seem real to me. Which sounds really harsh, but honestly I just didn't feel anything about it. My logical mind knew it was an extremely tragic event, but my feelings just weren't affected. Until a few days ago, for whatever reason. Maybe it just takes me a long time to process feelings. I'm not sure.

Anyways, until a few days ago I felt unusual praying for them, because it seemed so unreal. I prayed for the usual things, comfort, sense of God's presence, etc., but all of Friday I felt like there was something else that I should be praying for. It wasn't until Saturday afternoon as I was driving around (I tend to get epiphanies in the car for some reason) that I thought about what we had just finished studying in my College and Career small group. We just finished Genesis, and the end of Genesis looks at the life of Joseph. Joseph had a lot of horrible things happen to him. He was sold into slavery by his own brothers, worked his way up to an honorable position in a man of great power's home, then was thrown into jail for something he didn't do and stayed there for many years. Eventually God brought him out and he was able to save the nation of Egypt and many surrounding nations, as well as experience restoration between himself, his brothers, and the rest of his family. At the very end of Genesis he says something so profound. He says, "What you meant for evil, God meant for good". Simple words, yet in them is so much life. And it dawned on me as I was driving that this is what I needed to pray for in this situation. This was obviously an evil thing that happened. The man who did it meant it for evil. Satan meant it for evil. But God is bigger than both of them. God was never out of control. God can take this situation, that was meant to destroy people, and actually reverse it, to turn others toward Him and to offer life and hope. The Devil's biggest goal is to hurt God and draw people away from Him and His truth. But even in spite of that horrible, devastating event, the Devil does not have to win! God will always bring something good out of something terrible when it involves a child of His. I'm not saying this thing that happened is good. But I'm saying God can redeem the situation to bring good about. So, I challenge you, while you pray for comfort for these families, also pray that God would bring good out of this situation. I'll be doing the same.

"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. So therefore, do not be afraid..." Genesis 50:20-21a

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

I think God knows that sometimes I have a really hard time dealing with my emotions and feelings surrounding my life, so He allows crazy things to happen to shake me up, to where I don't really have much of a choice except to let everything out. I know it's all part of healing, but it's difficult to face and feel the sad stuff...

I love the wording of this translation. It's Young's Literal Translation.

"Near is Jehovah to the broken of heart, and the bruised of spirit He saveth." Psalm 34:18

A bruised spirit is good wording. Sometimes that's just how it feels. Tender and sore, and if anything or anyone presses on it, it hurts. Sometimes people cause the bruises. Sometimes life happening cause the bruises. It's there and won't go away for a while. Yet, God is nearest to those who have them, He saves them. Sometimes the best comfort is being hurt and having Jesus there to hold you...

Good Grief

22

This post may be a little late in coming but better late than never. Since I recently had a birthday, I wanted to dedicate a blog post to things I've learned in the past year about life and myself. It may be a little jumbled, because some of the things I've learned are things I've been learning for not only the past year, but the past several years. So if you're reading this, please bear with me.

Biggest Lessons Learned
I've learned so much about perseverance. This has been one of those ongoing, year to year lessons, but I've especially learned a lot about it in school this year. Sticking with something even though you hate it, even though every day is a struggle to get out of bed and go, and not just go, but to have a good attitude, because you know in the end, it will get you to where you need to be. I'm not finished with school yet, but I feel like now it is a little easier. And I'm stronger for it, because I've done stuff that I haven't felt like doing at all. I guess you could say I've developed a little more discipline. A little.

I've also learned a little more about taking advantage of opportunities I'm given. And I don't mean the big, once in a lifetime opportunities that we tend to focus on, although those are super important too. I mean the little things every day that give me the chance to really live and appreciate life. To quit waiting for something "better" to come along and to seize what has already been given to me. Getting out of my comfort zone, or my "zoned out" zone, and waking up! Quit waiting for life to get better and start making it better. Not like a control freak, but like someone who has a purpose for living. Because if I'm are still alive, there's a reason. This is a lesson I'm praying that God will keep showing me more about and keep working on my heart to change to be more "in the moment".

Biggest Achievement
I think my biggest achievement and the one I'm the happiest about, although it may not seem like that big of a deal, is that I grew as a musician. Being in a praise band really stretched me to be able to learn how to play with others and it was so fun! At the beginning, I couldn't read hardly any chords. Now, I can play pretty much any chord and I've learned how to add more and be a bit more creative :) (This is still an area that I would love to grow much more in though.)
Another achievement that I'm pretty proud of is that I ran my first 10k race. I wasn't able to run the whole thing through, but I did run almost all of it, and going from a girl who 2 years ago couldn't even run a mile to running 6.2, it's kind of a big deal to me, so I'm pretty proud of it.

Biggest Regret
My biggest regret would be anytime I wasted opportunities for growth or just coasted through days. I also regret not being passionate enough about myself, my purpose, and my work, enough to put in the effort it takes to be great. Being in New York this weekend inspired me to take pride in myself and what I do, and not to compare myself to others, but to do what I do because I believe in it. This goes for all aspects of my life.

Biggest Goals For the Next Year
1. To wake up everyday with renewed purpose. This mindset will have to be from God, and so I want to start out every day remembering that it's from Him, and if I'm still alive, He wants to use me. If I believe that, then I will set time aside to spend with Him and grow in Him. I want to be completely faithful and not waste any time.
2. To grow in my profession and image. I want to be passionate about what I do and I want to be excellent at it. This takes time, effort, diligence, and patience, all of which I have a hard time with. But I want to start viewing them as opportunities to make myself better and to be more successful, not for anyone else, but for me.
3. To truly love people. Self-explanatory. I want to have an endless love for others, the way that Christ does, and I want to be brave enough and humble enough to act on it.
4. To know God, to love Him with all of my heart,  and to live in the power of His Spirit every single day. I don't want to waste anything He's given. I want Him to be everything.


So these are my reflections and goals. Sometimes when I look back at my life it feels like I haven't accomplished anything. I turned 22 last week, and I feel that I don't have much to show for it. However, God has done much in me and I want Him to do so much more. I'm looking forward to what He has next, whatever it may be. And I need you all to hold me accountable. If you don't mind, check on me every now and again, ask me if I'm living each day with renewed purpose. I would really appreciate it :)

"We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are..."

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it on my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19

My post today will probably be quite short and it will have no trace of intelligence or lessons learned. I just felt like talking. Is it weird to say talking since I'm actually typing? Whatevs...

Anyways, so I've been pretty sick for the past two days, which is super annoying because it's a sinus infection. I HATE sinus infections. Truth be told, I would rather have the flu. No, I'm not exaggerating. I would rather be vomiting my guts up than to walk around with no voice, head feeling like it weighs fifty pounds, and chest congestion. The chest congestion is the worst, because not only does it feel like something is pressing down on you constantly, it produces this uncontrollable, totally useless cough. And no sooner are you done coughing then you need to cough again, not to clear your throat, but because if you don't, you will choke. Yeah, I'm probably complaining now, but it's all good.
I was just observing to myself that when I get sick like this, it seems like I will never get better. Which is ridiculous because I always eventually get better, but it seriously never fails to make me feel like I'll always be sick. And every time I develop a sinus infection I always say, "I will never eat so poorly or treat my body so terribly again!". And the sickness waits until I've just forgotten that, and then BAM! It pops up again. So here I am, wallowing in self-pity because I hate being sick. How's your life? :)

I saw Skyfall tonight. It was very well done, but to me, all the James Bond movies are exactly the same. And I don't mean to be a kill joy, because I do love the action, but I get so put off by how they portray this guy. Like he's the end all, be all, the epitome of what a successful, awesome man is. Yet, he is constantly using women. And I'm not saying the women aren't the same way. They allow themselves to be used. But I guess because I'm a woman, I see the deeper side of why they let themselves be used. And I know it's just a movie. But the older I get, the more I see the same effects of all this stuff in real life. And it's so very sad to me. My idea of an awesome man is not someone who can fight and kill and seduce any woman he wants. I just don't get the appeal. I mean, I do. But, it's so useless to me. It doesn't work. All it produces is baggage, mistrust, and bitterness. They never show that in the movies though...

Anyways, sorry to be such a Debbie Downer. On the bright side, I'm leaving for New York City this week. I haven't even begun to pack :/ Kind of dreading that, actually. It's going to be fun and it's a really cool story how God provided for that. I'll have to write about it soon.

Well, I took some Nyquil a little while ago and now my brain is acting even more slowly than it usually does and my words are starting to run together so I will say goodnight. Goodnight! :)