Streams in a Wasteland

Let's Be Real

I like flowery, poetic words. I really do. I always have. But there comes a time when you realize that eloquent words have the tendency to be just that: Words. That's it. Nothing to sustain or give life to. We don't become holy by using righteous lingo. We don't become like Jesus by speaking the churchy, Jesus-y, spiritual words, no matter how badly we want to, no matter how good our intentions. We are molded into His image when we allow Him to do just that: Mold. Build. Tear down. Break apart. Wound. Heal. Restructure. Reform. Recreate. Constantly. It's easy to talk it up. So easy. What's not easy is to allow the Creator to have His way. But that's the only fruit that lasts. It doesn't come from words. It comes from regeneration. From sanctification. An internal work that is so real and holy, it spills out and affects everything around it. God help us to be real. Do the work in us.

God is capable. And He loves us passionately and with a commitment so deep, that it's hard for us to come close to imagining it. If we know that He loves us so wonderfully, do we need to hold onto the things that we look to for security and love? In my somewhat limited experience, nothing satisfies the way Christ does. And I don't say that in a hypothetical, idealogical way. What I mean is that when I seek Him instead of other things, I can't describe the peace and contentment I feel deep in my soul. I want others to know that they can have that too. But I also want them to know what it looks like, because I didn't understand for so long. It doesn't come easily. I've had to give up most of the things that meant the most to me, such as relationships, friendships, popularity, recognition, comfort, security in things or people, having a definite plan for my life, doing life the way the world and culture tells us it's supposed to look like, etc. At the time I did not want to give them up or take the godly route. I still don't like giving them up most times. But I know that God wants me to so that He can fulfill His plan for my life. And most of all, I want to know Jesus. That has been the best part. When I have to give up these things, instead of complaining or being sad, or as the Gospels say, "Put my hand to the plow and then look back", if I seek God in it, with a humble and obedient, teachable and willing attitude, it's amazing what He shows me. It doesn't always look the same way, and many times I wallow in self-pity or depression or rebellion because I do not want certain things in my life to be the way that they are. But if I can get to the point of willingness, of joy, knowing that God is trying to deepen the intimacy between me and Him, it's the best place in the whole wide world to be. I don't think I could ever put it into words. I guess the key in all of this is communication with Him. And believing that He will do it. He will do what it takes to help me know Him better. That is so comforting I could just sob. To know that He is coming after me, even before I come after Him. That kind of love is too amazing to be adequately described. And we don't even know the half of it. And when I think of how often I try to replace Him with other things or people, I feel like the dumbest person ever. Why would I pursue other things, stupid, insignificant, meaningless things, when the creator of the Universe wants me to come to Him? God help me to remember and believe that you are worth more than anything and that You love me in a way that I could never define.