Streams in a Wasteland

Ya know, I have to tell you, I've really enjoyed reading through Mark. I'm not finished yet, but it's been nice to just take one book of the Bible and work my way through it. I can't even remember the last time I did that. It has been encouraging because many times I feel that unless I have a Bible study helping me with reading scripture, I won't really get much out of it. But I've gotten quite a lot out of going through Mark by myself. It's cool :)

Today I was reading and verses 35 and 36 of the 14th chapter really stuck with me. It's when Jesus is praying in Gethsemane, basically asking God if there is any way for Him to get out of this. I just have to post what He said cause it's so good.

³⁵ And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by. ³⁶ And He was saying,“Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.”


Jesus had experienced the glory and power of God, for He is part of the Godhead. He knew better than anyone how capable God was of changing things, of finding a different way. Yet he still was willing to do whatever God asked. That is convicting. Knowing that with God all things are possible, yet being completely willing to suffer in the worst way possible because He wants you to. It made me think of my own life and how often I pray to God, telling Him that all things are possible with Him, so make this or that happen, or don't make this or that happen. And yes, usually I throw in a "not my will but Your will", but do I really mean it? Debatable. I want to be able to say fully, "God, I know you are capable of changing this situation. I know that if You so desired, You could make things different in a heartbeat and still bring glory to Your Name. But because I know you are good, because I believe that, and because I trust You, I will do whatever You ask and I will live out whatever Your will is for me." I don't know that I can say that and mean it completely right now. But it is going to be my prayer from now on.

Time

I love when God gives me a specific word for something I've asked Him about. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, nothing in the whole wide world can make me happier.
A little while ago I was going over in my mind all of the things I have to get done. Projects for school, stuff for work, even Bible study stuff. And it was really stressing me out because in the midst of it, I didn't feel that I had any time for God. And I know, time with God is the most important thing. But when life is actually happening, when you get away from talking about hypothetical realities and are smack dab in the midst of your reality, it's difficult to believe this. So I was stressing and I just asked God, "God, I have so much to do. I really want to spend time with You but what am I supposed to do? Shirk all my other responsibilities? Do I put everything on hold, even though my grades, my character, my sanity, depends on getting everything done? And what about the rest of my life? Am I just supposed to focus on spending time with you and if I don't get accomplished what I want to get accomplished then, 'oh well'?" I didn't really know if He would answer or not. I kind of expected Him not to, but I decided I needed to get in the Word anyway, because that's the "right" thing to do. So I did.
I picked up in Mark 13 (I've been trying to read through Mark, albeit kinda slowly). Mark 13 is full of prophecy about the end times and about the fall of Jerusalem, which ended up happening a little over 70 a.d. It's interesting stuff, but not super relevant to what I was going through. So I was like "Ok that's fine, at least I've learned to be a little more urgent and on the alert for when Christ comes back". So I finished the chapter and thought about going to the Psalms but I decided to just keep reading. So I started chapter 14. It was about Mary, when she poured all of her perfume on Jesus's head. What grabbed my attention was how the others in the group responded. They said, "Why has this perfume been wasted?" Wasted! They said that something beautiful and expensive was wasted on Jesus. And it made me think of myself. And more specifically, my time. I was viewing time spent with Jesus as wasted time. Time that could be spent accomplishing things. Good things. Being responsible and diligent and stuff like that.
You want to know something else? Jesus was a huge advocate for the poor and needy, the broken and hurt. Yet, when these people said that the perfume should have been sold and the money given to the poor, Jesus said, "Let her alone. Why do you bother her? She has done a good deed to me. For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you wish you can do good to them; but you do not always have Me. She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burial. Truly I say to you, wherever the gospel is preached in the whole world, what this woman has done will also be spoken of in memory of her. Mark 14:6-9"
Because this woman did a good deed to Jesus, her story is heard whenever the gospel is heard and she was blessed by Jesus.
Now, I don't say all of this to say that I should shirk my responsibilities. I shouldn't. What I should do however, is remember that the most important thing is seeking God with all of my heart. If I seek Him, things will fall into place. They have to. Psalm 34:22 says that "None who take refuge in Him will be ashamed." And when I think about my life and what I want it to be, the most important thing to me is that God is my first priority, that He is my first love, that everything else doesn't really matter in light of who He is.

"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; how blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him!" Psalm 34:8

Written a few months ago...

**I'm happy to say that I have made progress in this area since writing this. Yay!! lol


The topic swirling around my head as of late is love. No, not that kind of love. The love that is described in 1 Corinthians 13 (although, people would do well to intertwine that kind of love with that kind of love. Catch my drift? haha).
To be honest, I'm pretty selfish. I know, shocking, right? I'm sure you couldn't tell from my previous posts. Haha. But you want to know what the worst part of it is? I cling to my selfishness in the name of decency and common courtesy. My brain does something like this: "After all I've done it's the least they could do to...(fill in the blank)", or , "They should know what I'm feeling, thinking, etc!", or my personal favorite, "I deserve better than that!". Well actually Sarah, you deserve separation from Love. You deserve never to know what it means to be unconditionally cared for. But because God isn't selfish like you, you get Life. And not only Life, but true love. Love that never fails, never gives up, never runs out. It's not my job to try to change people or control them. It's my job to love them. And by loving them I mean showing them patience and kindness, not just when they're easy to get along with, but when everything about them irritates or frustrates or hurts me. It's my responsibility to not be jealous of them and to not be arrogant or rude to them. If I am to show them the same love that Christ has shown me every single day, then I cannot seek what I want through them, I must seek their best, not be easily angered, and probably the hardest one, not keep a record of wrong. I must bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. If I say that I'm a Christian and I say that I know Christ and His love, if I'm not exhibiting these characteristics toward everyone, especially the people that frustrate me the most, then my faith is worthless. Worthless. Good for absolutely nothing. And it's a good indication that I actually have no concept of Christ's love in my life. All I have to do is look at the mess I am to see how amazing Jesus is-that He sees every single insecure, ugly, selfish, unloveable spec, and still loves me. I don't get it. But it makes me much more willing to bestow that kind of love on others. Love is what affects the change.