Streams in a Wasteland

Faith Like Abraham

We've been studying Genesis in my College and Career small group and I've only been able to join in on about three of the meetings in the past two months because of school but it's amazing what God has reminded me of even in those few meetings.

The last time we met, a phrase that Dan mentioned has stuck with me ever since that night and it has been something that has helped me through a lot of really tough decisions and feelings lately. We were talking about how Abraham had the audacity to ask God about the things that were on his mind, really tough issues. And when he asked, what he always had to come back to is this: "Is God faithful or isn't He?" That's a question I've been asking myself for two or three weeks. It really puts things into perspective because isn't that what most things boil down to in our walk with Christ? Will we do what God has asked us to or not? Is there a purpose for it or not? Does He have a plan or not? Is He faithful or not? And I don't know, it's just really made me realize that all of the things I become so fixated on, the things that keep me from having mountain moving faith and more importantly, faith that pleases God, all come down to one concern: What if God really isn't faithful? I usually don't form it that clearly in my mind, but that's truly the root of it all. Is the Holy Spirit working inside of me or isn't He? Will God lead my path or won't He? Is He true to His word or isn't He? So, next time I feel God asking or telling me to do something, or even doubting what He's already told me, I can go to that concept. Is God faithful or isn't He?

The second thing that has really touched me is the story of the sacrifice of Isaac. That story never, ever fails to strike a nerve deep within my soul and emotions. It's because of a few monumental decisions I've had to make at times in my life where I've had to, in the words of David Crowder, "Lift the knife to the thing I love most". Only in my case, a replacement sacrifice never came. I actually did have to put "the thing" to death. (Not that the things that I've had to sacrifice are anywhere near having to sacrifice a son. That's not the point I'm trying to make. The point is that, sometimes you just have to put "the thing" to death.) And each time I am called to do it, it's extremely hard and painful. But I know God has promised me a future and a hope. I know He has promised to work all things out for the good of those who love Him. I know He that He will complete the good work that He began in me long ago. He has to. He has said He would. It's in these seasons of life that I know God must be building my faith. I can either view it as just another problem or difficult season of life, or I can be grateful that God is answering the prayer I've been praying for months-that He would build my faith! And you want to know something? I just figured that out as I was typing it! lol I love writing. You figure so much out by doing it. Seriously though, if you read my journal, you could see that over the course of the last few months my recurring prayer was that God would build my faith. Well, I'm looking forward to what He is going to build in me in this season. I know it's going to get harder before it gets easier, and I'll probably cry more and complain some but I know God won't leave me there. After all, is He faithful or isn't it He?

Hope

I know I'm always talking about the hard times and struggles I'm going through. I'm sure that probably gets old to anyone who reads this, but we all go through hard times. If you're not, than I would doubt that you are actually living lol. Anyways, sometimes when I am having a hard time, I look through some of my old journals. Sometimes the entries make me sad, but many times, what I have written when I've gone through those difficult times has been able to encourage me through the hard time I'm in at present.

I found the following entry tonight and was kind of shocked that I wrote it. It doesn't really sound like me, I don't think. It's more poetic-y than I usually am. But it encouraged me that if I could write something like that in a time that I was really struggling badly, probably more so than I am now, then surely I can get through this.  Isn't it cool that God can bring something fruitful out of a hard time, even if it's only helpful to yourself? lol

Here lately I've been really struggling with the issue of Science. I haven't been taking any science classes or anything like that. I've just been reading different books and articles and things and it seems like nowadays science can explain anything away. Even in the last year it seems like enormous progress has been made in the area of science, so much so that many of the things that I thought were miracles that God had performed in my life are made little more than a simple explanation of how the human psyche works. It's so confusing.

I don't know a huge amount of godly men, but I know a few. And even fewer than these are godly men who love and study science. I know about 2 or 3. And they seem to see God even more when they study science. But not me. I only become dismayed when I study it, because it seems to destroy everything that I thought I knew and had believed. My whole belief system and all of the intricacies of these beliefs that I had developed based upon what I thought God showed me, seem to all come crashing down when I start to study different areas of science. I hate it. I want to believe God. But it's so hard when someone is able to not only explain, but give tangible examples of why my beliefs aren't true :/ Help.

What Worship Really Is

Music does not equal worship. Your life is the worship. Music is just another tool and an expression of what should be going on in the heart. Worship will happen whether music exists or not.

You cannot force someone into worship. You can make them feel a little more comfortable by having quality music or making the atmosphere emotional and/or pleasant, but that does not equal worship. Paul and Silas sang in a prison. No instruments, no mood lighting, no fog machines, no freedom. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure their worship was a beautiful thing in God's eyes. Give me someone who will sing to God no matter the circumstance or atmosphere and I'll give you a true Worshiper.

It unsettles me to look at our typical "Christian culture" (because unfortunately, not only do we have a worldly culture, but we have a Christian culture, which in my opinion is almost more dangerous), and think that most people believe that as long as you "get into a song" or "feel the Spirit" or "get excited about Jesus" or whatever, that you're worshiping. That's not scriptural at all. I hope this doesn't come across as a rant. I truly don't mean it that way. It's just something I have been wrestling with for probably the past 2 years.

On the flip side, I think worshiping God through song can be one of the most rewarding things we experience. To me, worship through song is an example of God's greater grace-that we have the opportunity to bring to God something beautiful and experience such a reward as to sense His presence in the process.

I truly believe it's about realizing that OUR LIVES are the act of worship! Paul says so in Romans. Jesus says so all throughout the gospels. He rarely asked people to worship Him in a song. He asked them to worship Him through their lives, in Spirit and in Truth!

Honestly, I think the reason so many people cling to this idea of music=worship is because it's so easy. It's so easy to say you worship God when all you have to do is show up on Sunday and get into the "Worship Service". It's easy to say you're worshipping God when you listen to your ipod and feel moved by the Christian music. It's so easy. You know what's not easy? Presenting your body as a living sacrifice to God. Letting Him have His way, which includes pruning any branches that need pruning, laying down your wants and desires for His, purposing in your heart and actions to have character and integrity, even when it seems like it will kill you. Loving God and seeking Him no matter what you're feeling. That is worship!!! Do you know how different the Church would look if we stopped viewing worship as an outward act, but as a heart ready and willing to allow God to infiltrate every single part of us? Allowing Him to take away any pride, selfish ambition, idolatry, arguing, jealousy, laziness, anger, dissension, etc. and replace it with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The Church could be so different and such a picture of Christ. No shows, no pretending, no faking it. Genuine, Spirit-led lives that have been completely changed by God.

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives." Galatians 5:24-25

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship." Romans 12:1

"But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in Spirit and Truth." John 4:23-24

A bit of what's been going on in my head for the past, oh, year...

I'm all about believing God. In fact, I think disbelief in God is why there are so many discouraged or stagnant Christians. It doesn't make you shallow or bad if you don't believe God. It simply means you are living in defeat and believing lies in whichever area you are disbelieving God. I don't think any of us wants to be that way, but so many of us are unaware that we do it. Many times I don't even realize it. I'm trying to get better about that. However, believing God does not mean we can simply believe Him for something we want, and if we just have enough belief or faith, it will happen. Yes, sometimes that thing that we've been believing Him for does happen. And sometimes I believe it's what He wants... Yet other times I believe He is thinking, "Child, I wish you would be less concerned about your plans and instead get to know Me, and what I would like to do with your life." I think we have been trained to think that if we don't accomplish big, sensational, widely seen things, that we are somehow failures or not fulfilling the life God wants for us. That we don't love God as much as someone who does accomplish these big things. As I've gotten to know God more though, I think that this belief is so detrimental and dangerous. For one, it leaves us feeling inadequate and like a failure, resulting in us trying harder to do more for God. As if He somehow needs us to do things for Him. For two, I believe it results in us focusing more on "the thing" than on God Himself. Maybe it's only me that struggles with this, but I know when I think God has something in mind for me, many times I become so focused on that thing, idea, or person, instead of on Him, that my actual relationship with Him suffers. It becomes less intimate and more businesslike. In the same way, my relationships with others suffer. I view them less as people and more like... pieces of work, or a project. That shouldn't happen. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's an awesome thing to believe God for things. But when we become more focused on the thing, instead of being desperate for God Himself, it's not good. And like I said, sometimes He will give us that thing anyway. But sometimes He won't, because He loves us too much to let us continue on a path that leads us away from intimacy with Him. And I know, it's so hard to trust God that His way is best when you don't get what you want or His way doesn't make any sense or He doesn't do what you know He can do. Trust me, I get it. But...He's God. His ways are infinitely higher than ours. Which, if you're like me, you're thinking, "Well, that is all well and good, but that doesn't make me feel better." What makes me feel better is to realize how much He loves me personally. Psalm 40 talks about how God's thoughts toward us are too vast to be counted, that He will not withhold compassion from us. Isaiah 30 it says that He longs to be gracious to us, that He waits on high to have compassion on us. Psalm 139 says He is intimately acquainted with all of our ways. If He cares about us so much, can we not trust that He will accomplish that which concerns us (Psalm 138), in His timing, whether or not it is big or small. Because, when you think about it, if God's in it, it's huge. Let's try to, instead of focusing so much on what we want God to do, ask Him to show us how to pray for what He wants and to change our hearts to want His will as well.

So I've been having a really difficult time these past two or three weeks (which isn't really anything new. I have difficult times a lot lol. I guess I'm too sensitive? Idk why God made me so... feeling-y) Anyways, then I realized today is October, which means it's been Fall for about two-ish weeks. Fall is always difficult for me and my family. It's so strange to me how you won't even be thinking about certain things, but that certain times of the year will automatically trigger feelings due to your subconscious. I'm not sure if anyone reads this, but if so, and if you think about me, or my family, please pray. I really appreciate it.