This Post Is Probably Going To Be Erratic

As the title of this post indicates, I'm going to be all over the place. As if that is anything out of the ordinary. I've had so much going through my mind lately but I have to say, it's a bit more peaceful than it usually is. No, not much of it makes sense but... I don't know. I'm not worried I guess.
I spoke with two people in the past two days that have helped me make some sense of myself lol. Because God knows on my own, I'm completely clueless. How is it that I cannot make sense of me? I don't understand. But it's ok :)
So I've been struggling with feeling like I'm not doing enough for God. And I knew in the back of my mind that it's not just about doing. It's about being. But for some reason I couldn't make the connection as to why it's not all about doing. So I was speaking with somebody whose council I value and basically what he said was that God doesn't need me to do things for Him. He needs me to let Him live through me. Obviously my heart is that I want to do the will of God. So if I am completely surrendered to Him, no matter what, He'll use me. But the key is surrender. And I thought about that idea for a while. It's funny how I can learn things so well (or so I think) and then I forget them. I haven't been surrendered to God. I've wanted to be in control. I've wanted my life to be how I think it should be and I would do things for God. But that's not what He wants. He wants me to be willing to change my plans so that He can use me. And it's hard to do that, to get to the place of surrender. But in my experience, it has brought much more peace then striving for the life that I think I want. It's like I was/am trying to serve two masters. And we all know that's no good.
I was so worried that what I am doing and what I will do is not enough, that God will be disappointed in me and that I won't be what He wants. But if I'm surrendered to Him, I will be what He wants. And He will accomplish His purpose through me. It makes so much sense. How did I miss that? I don't know lol. But the important thing is, now I know (somewhat) how to pray and what to ask Him.
I still have the issue of school and career and what to do. But I'm trusting that He'll show me. I had planned on writing more about that but I can't focus right now. Haha what a surprise. Until next time...