How He Loves

It seems that even amidst me not living up to my expectations of a godly, Christian woman, God still blesses. It humbles me. And helps me to believe that even when I'm not aware that "God is working everything out for the good of those who love Him", He's still working. He began the good work, and He will complete it. 

This month is February. And you know what that means. Love. I love love. I think it's wonderful. I haven't always thought that. But as I've worked through all of the crap that life has thrown at me, I've realized that at my very core, I'm a hopeless romantic. As much as I've tried to fight it, it's in my very blood. I am, after all, a woman. And as I've learned from one of my recent homework assignments in my Bible study, God specifically created Male and Female souls. Not just bodies. Souls. God specifically designed not only my physical being, but my spiritual and emotional one. This is wonderful for many reasons, but especially for one, which I will explain in the following sentences. 

God made me in His image. My spirit, in it's perfect form, is a mirror of His. I am fallen, and thus not a perfect mirror, but by Jesus's blood, I am perfect, righteous, and holy. So, if I am made in His image, and if I have accepted Christ as my Lord, then the Holy Spirit begins to work inside of me. Changing what needs to be changed. Doing away with what needs doing away with. Watering what needs to grow. And you know what I've realized about God this week? That my romanticism isn't the result of chance. It's a direct reflection of the spirit of God. He is a romantic. Watch, I'll prove it to you. 

This month began with me feeling somewhat dry within my soul and emotions. I felt shriveled up. It was difficult to love on others, difficult to even be around people. If I could have vacated myself, I would have even done that. But something happened. I couldn't put my finger on it. I'm not even sure when it happened. I'm not even sure what happened, or what started it all. It's funny you don't notice things happening or changing until it keeps happening or changing and that's when you start to pay attention. I think I had begun to despair that God really was working in my life or that He really was leading me. Then I visited a new church. 

I had been visiting churches off and on for the past several months, but had begun to despair of ever finding one that gave me peace about being there. But when I visited this church, it was different. I felt for the first time in months that God was speaking to me, from the time I walked in to the time I walked out. It gave me hope that I hadn't felt in months. God was paying attention...

That same day, God gave me an idea for something to do on Valentines Day. It seems like a little thing, but it's funny, when God gives you an idea that involves extending love to other people, it makes you feel pretty nice inside. It has given me excitement and provided me with something to do. Because, as I have been reading, Love Does. 

This Thursday, I attended Lobby Day in Atlanta to help raise awareness and action to stop Human Trafficking. I've been praying that God would just keep breaking my heart for this issue and that He would show me what I need to do. And through this trip, He gave me my next step. He answers prayer!

This weekend, I was granted the opportunity of a lifetime through a woman who has been such a kind friend to my family. I will give more details later, when things are more settled, but it truly is God! I wish I could share it all right now but it wouldn't make sense if I did! lol. 

This weekend, several of my family members went out of town, leaving me alone at my house. Thankfully, I have a really cool friend who stayed with me most of the weekend and I had the best time! It's been a while since I've had such good chill time. We visited the Indian Mounds in Macon, which I will definitely be going back to, since we were only able to spend about an hour there. And then we went to an antique shop. There were soooo many awesome things there! {This sounds weird, and it probably makes more sense in my head because I have all of the details, but I felt like so many elements from my past, present, and future all collided with the events of this  weekend.} I found a barbie there that I used to have when I was a little girl. It was my most favorite Barbie. It was a Holiday Edition and she had this beautiful black velvet dress with sparkly lines down the front and sheer long sleeves on the top and this awesome electric pink satin shawl. I wanted a dress just like it when I grew up and had to attend red carpet events (haha). I found another Barbie that I also used to have when I was young. This is crazy to me, because I only owned 3 or 4 Barbies in my whole life and what were the chances that they would have 2 of them?? They also had this amazing piano there for only $275. I wanted it so badly, but at the moment, I am broke. I did get to play it however, and it sounded beautiful. I'm not sure why, because I have my own piano, but playing a piano somewhere else always sounds so much prettier. It was lovely. We also found several other miscellaneous things, including a dainty china tea cup with pink carnations painted on it for $3.50. I did happen to have that much cash, so I made my first ever antique purchase and it was great fun. 

My mom came back on Sunday with a surprise for me. {Technically it wasn't a surprise because she had sent me a picture of it earlier in the week, so I knew it was coming. But you know what I mean.} I've been wanting a vintage typewriter for some time now and you will never believe it, but my Grandma came into possession of one this very week and told my mom that she wanted me to have it! What's more is that it is extremely similar to the ones that I had been looking at on ebay! I felt like a little kid at Christmas when we started playing around on it, and I haven't felt that way in years. We also pulled out all of my mom's old china that she had hidden away around the house and cleaned it up and put it on display. I must say, I love being able to look at such pretty little things. 

Through the past week and and half, God has also begun to restore my love of music and playing it. I won't go into detail on this one, as I have already begun a post on the subject that I'm finishing up. 

As most people who are involved in my life know, I am taking a trip to Israel in June. I've paid for half of the trip, but the rest of the money is due by the end of this month. I have a majority of the money, but I still need a substantial chunk to complete the amount that's due. I had already accounted for my paychecks until the last week in February and have still come up short. I have been praying ever since I decided to go on the trip that God would provide the funds if it was in His will that I should go. I've been praying that prayer even more this month, since it is due soon lol. I've seen enough of God in the area of monetary provision to know that He provides, and not a moment too soon lol. I do have moments of doubt sometimes that He will provide, especially when I think about the fact that this is actually not a need but a want, that He doesn't have to provide anything. But then I just tell Him that if it's His will, He will have to work it out. It just so happens that in the last 4 days I had 4 clients schedule with me this week. Is that God or is that God? haha

So, what I'm trying to say is, God is romantic. He cares. He loves. He's interested in the little bitty details of our past, present, and future. I daresay He likes to sweep us off of our feet when we are least expecting it. He likes to woo us into love. I never thought it possible to feel about Him as I do, but I do... I'm in love. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true. You know when you love someone and you think about them all the time, just the thought of them makes you smile, and you're not really sure why, and you could spend all of your time with them? If it's the right kind of love, they make you feel like you're the most important person in the world. They're delighted to do anything that might make you smile and you both think the other person is amazing and wonderful. That's how God has made me feel this month, through so many things, little and big. And these confirmations of His love came at the perfect time, without me trying to force or find it. This is such a cheesy phrase, but it's pretty true: my Valentine is a King in Shining Armor.