Day... ?

I still don't "feel" God, but that doesn't mean He's not there. His presence with us is a promise, regardless of what we feel.

I had been struggling with not receiving answers from Him and not hearing Him because I kept thinking of all the verses that say to call on God and He will answer you. I was becoming so frustrated because I kept calling yet I couldn't make out an answer. Then it finally dawned on me. It doesn't say "Call on me and I'll answer you right away". It says "Call on me and I will answer you". God's timing is not my own but it IS perfect. I have to believe that even though it feels like I'll never feel that intimacy with Him again, there's a reason and He knows best. I walk by faith and not by sight. It's so difficult sometimes, but someday, somehow, it'll be worth it. That's what the Bible says. It also says to wait on the Lord and be of good courage. I have not been of good courage. I've been of crappy courage. Or no courage at all. I got so angry at Him. Several times. I still don't understand why He feels so distant but I don't want to get angry at Him anymore. I always feel terrible afterward. He gave everything for me and He does so much for me and yet I'm never grateful. I do confess I'd rather feel close to Him then receive a lot of the material blessings, but once again, He knows best. For all I know this is a time of testing, of proving whether my faith is really genuine or not. Or maybe the devil is trying to get me to fall. I honestly do not know. But I do know that I'm not giving up! I can't! The Bible says "You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart". I want to find Him so badly. I want Him to speak to my heart, not just my head. But it is up to Him. I do need to ask Him if there is anything hindering Him from speaking to my heart. That's going to be my objective in the next day. Ask Him if there is anything that I need out of my life that is hindering Him from reaching my heart and making Himself number one. Until next time...