A bit of what's been going on in my head for the past, oh, year...

I'm all about believing God. In fact, I think disbelief in God is why there are so many discouraged or stagnant Christians. It doesn't make you shallow or bad if you don't believe God. It simply means you are living in defeat and believing lies in whichever area you are disbelieving God. I don't think any of us wants to be that way, but so many of us are unaware that we do it. Many times I don't even realize it. I'm trying to get better about that. However, believing God does not mean we can simply believe Him for something we want, and if we just have enough belief or faith, it will happen. Yes, sometimes that thing that we've been believing Him for does happen. And sometimes I believe it's what He wants... Yet other times I believe He is thinking, "Child, I wish you would be less concerned about your plans and instead get to know Me, and what I would like to do with your life." I think we have been trained to think that if we don't accomplish big, sensational, widely seen things, that we are somehow failures or not fulfilling the life God wants for us. That we don't love God as much as someone who does accomplish these big things. As I've gotten to know God more though, I think that this belief is so detrimental and dangerous. For one, it leaves us feeling inadequate and like a failure, resulting in us trying harder to do more for God. As if He somehow needs us to do things for Him. For two, I believe it results in us focusing more on "the thing" than on God Himself. Maybe it's only me that struggles with this, but I know when I think God has something in mind for me, many times I become so focused on that thing, idea, or person, instead of on Him, that my actual relationship with Him suffers. It becomes less intimate and more businesslike. In the same way, my relationships with others suffer. I view them less as people and more like... pieces of work, or a project. That shouldn't happen. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's an awesome thing to believe God for things. But when we become more focused on the thing, instead of being desperate for God Himself, it's not good. And like I said, sometimes He will give us that thing anyway. But sometimes He won't, because He loves us too much to let us continue on a path that leads us away from intimacy with Him. And I know, it's so hard to trust God that His way is best when you don't get what you want or His way doesn't make any sense or He doesn't do what you know He can do. Trust me, I get it. But...He's God. His ways are infinitely higher than ours. Which, if you're like me, you're thinking, "Well, that is all well and good, but that doesn't make me feel better." What makes me feel better is to realize how much He loves me personally. Psalm 40 talks about how God's thoughts toward us are too vast to be counted, that He will not withhold compassion from us. Isaiah 30 it says that He longs to be gracious to us, that He waits on high to have compassion on us. Psalm 139 says He is intimately acquainted with all of our ways. If He cares about us so much, can we not trust that He will accomplish that which concerns us (Psalm 138), in His timing, whether or not it is big or small. Because, when you think about it, if God's in it, it's huge. Let's try to, instead of focusing so much on what we want God to do, ask Him to show us how to pray for what He wants and to change our hearts to want His will as well.