Written a few months ago...
**I'm happy to say that I have made progress in this area since writing this. Yay!! lolThe topic swirling around my head as of late is love. No, not that kind of love. The love that is described in 1 Corinthians 13 (although, people would do well to intertwine that kind of love with that kind of love. Catch my drift? haha).
To be honest, I'm pretty selfish. I know, shocking, right? I'm sure you couldn't tell from my previous posts. Haha. But you want to know what the worst part of it is? I cling to my selfishness in the name of decency and common courtesy. My brain does something like this: "After all I've done it's the least they could do to...(fill in the blank)", or , "They should know what I'm feeling, thinking, etc!", or my personal favorite, "I deserve better than that!". Well actually Sarah, you deserve separation from Love. You deserve never to know what it means to be unconditionally cared for. But because God isn't selfish like you, you get Life. And not only Life, but true love. Love that never fails, never gives up, never runs out. It's not my job to try to change people or control them. It's my job to love them. And by loving them I mean showing them patience and kindness, not just when they're easy to get along with, but when everything about them irritates or frustrates or hurts me. It's my responsibility to not be jealous of them and to not be arrogant or rude to them. If I am to show them the same love that Christ has shown me every single day, then I cannot seek what I want through them, I must seek their best, not be easily angered, and probably the hardest one, not keep a record of wrong. I must bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. If I say that I'm a Christian and I say that I know Christ and His love, if I'm not exhibiting these characteristics toward everyone, especially the people that frustrate me the most, then my faith is worthless. Worthless. Good for absolutely nothing. And it's a good indication that I actually have no concept of Christ's love in my life. All I have to do is look at the mess I am to see how amazing Jesus is-that He sees every single insecure, ugly, selfish, unloveable spec, and still loves me. I don't get it. But it makes me much more willing to bestow that kind of love on others. Love is what affects the change.
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